Your shout, Dylan

We took Dylan to a Christening last weekend. It was the first event of its sort that we've taken him to, mainly because it's the first thing that we've been invited to as a family – indeed, the bump that is laddo's little brother or sister was also included on the invitation, a nice touch – but we may have been hesitant beforehand due to his rather vocal nature. Like his old man, he enjoys the sound of his own voice. He also has a penchant for rooms that echo. Put these two together and there's an apparently irresistible urge to holler heartily.

Thankfully, our friends Darren, Maria and their little lad Jack didn't have their afternoon interrupted by Dylan's incredible lung power as he was a good boy. I have to confess that we considered leaving him with my parents as we were worried he wouldn't be quite so well behaved. Kate and I had to escort him from a parent and baby group once when his 'singing' earned us a few dirty looks from the established regulars. To be fair on him, he was joining in with Old Macdonald in the only way he knew how without the benefit of being able to talk yet.

I also had to take him out of the Early Learning Centre when he was clearly excited about what we were getting for his older cousin's birthday. A move that backfired when the part of the Arndale Centre I took him into proved even better for echoes. He was yelling his head off with a huge 'I know I'm making people look at you, Dad' grin on his face. Monkey! It's now his favourite part of the mall – just wait until he discovers that it's also the bit with the pick and mix stand! I understand what it is to have a favourite part of a shopping centre – the bit I like has HMV, Next, a sports shop that has a closing down sale every week yet has never ceased trading and, until recently, Game. Boom.

So anyway, I've been thinking of suitable forums for Dylan's shouting and there are a couple where he could be of great use. Now he can walk, I just need to modify the front door so he can open it – but not get outside, oh no, he's a keeper – so that he can shout at Jehovah's Witnesses – All Along the Watchtower eh Dylan?! – window salespeople and local Tory candidates when they don't get the message that we're not interested. By the same token, he will prove invaluable with cold callers on the phone. Here's how I envisage a typical exchange panning out:

Me: Hello?
Voice: Hello, am I talking to Mrs Hooker?
Me: What do you think?
Voice: Is that Mrs Hooker?
Me: No. I'm a man and there's nobody of that surname at this number.
Voice: Mrs Hooker please.
Me: No... there's no Mrs Hooker here. Have a nice day...
Voice: Are you the homeowner?
Me: Yes, but I'm not interested in anything you may wish to sell me, promote to me or otherwise extol the virtues of with the ultimate hope of me giving you my credit card details...
Voice: No, I'm not advertising anything. I'm just calling about insurance, do you have...
Me: Can you hang on a minute? I'll put our expert on...
Voice: No problem, Mrs Hooker.
Dylan: AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR! AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR! AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
Phone: Click, brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr